07 August, 2008

Robbing the Cradle

What do me and Diane Rehm have in common? We are both old and we both sound like we've had a stroke. Well actually the stroke part is just her and she is a national radio personality on NPR, so I suppose there really isn't much to have in common other than the old part.
"But Logan, you're not old. You're but 25 years young."
I know! I know! That's what I said. But something happened this morning that changed my life forever. And here is the yarn.

I was driving to work today, 44oz Super Big Gulp under the watchful care of one hand and the steering wheel/blinker/finger/radio dial under the care of the other. As I rolled away from dropping my wife off at work, I figured I could use some tunes to keep me company on my 11 minute drive. I flicked on the radio knob and was comforted by the sweet sounds of today's hottest hits. But then I wasn't feeling it, so I rolled it back a couple notches to an alternative rock morning show, but I was sawing logs within seconds. Boring. No, what I needed was some National Public Radio, NPR, to get my morning going. Nothing like talk radio with the news of the world and featurettes on slices of life around the nation to get my brain a buzzin'. But it was at that moment that the fan hit the shazzam...big time.
I was stopped at a light and I looked back in my rear view mirror to see some young, happy college student literally spazing out in her car to some music she was listing to. The vertebrae and muscles in my neck started to hurt just watching her bust a move. I got a good chuckle out of it and wondered how loud she was actually singing in there 'cause it looked like she was screaming for help to get out of a sweaty mosh pit. I thought to myself, "Ah, kids these days. What a loser. Does she know how silly she looks?"
Then I was stricken with a panic likened only to the fear a mother could feel upon realizing she's left one of her children at the park. This panic swelled into a pathetic and sad realization that I was driving a white Buick Regal Custom with Dynaglide, listening to Diane Rehm on NPR radio. It was then that I wondered what the girl behind me was thinking.
"What's up with this guy zooming around in a Buick trying to look cool? He's probably listening to talk radio."
...and I was.
When I ripped open my shorts on the inflatable slide at the Senior Overnighter Party in high school I didn't feel this ashamed.
When I walked into a brick wall on accident and smashed my braces into my soft, fleshy lips, I didn't feel this stupid.
When I lied to Britney Greenland when she asked me if I liked Samantha Zaugg in 6th grade and I said I didn't, I didn't feel this sad.

What is happening to me? I'll need to call Diane and see what she would do.


jen said...

HA HA HA! I am totally still the spaz in the car listening to Rihanna, PCD, and Miley Cyrus. Sometimes I drive with my windows down blasting Story of the Year or Linkin Park to let people know I am not a complete loser. I can lend you a CD if you want?

Jeff said...

Oh, you mean this?

Logan said...

OHMYGOSH where did you find that picture!? Thats awesome.

Jeff said...

Remember those disposable cameras they gave out at the all-nighter? Well, mine just sat around for over a year, and while I was on my mission, my parents found it and had the film developed. Then after my folks moved to Arizona, my dad scanned a bunch of my old photos and sent them to me. So that pic has been sitting on my hard drive, waiting for just such an occasion.

Dawn and Bryan said...

Logan it is ok.. I'm 21 and I listen to NPR every morning on the way to work. But unlike you I don't zoom, I put my seat upright, sit close to the wheel so I feel comfortable reaching the peddles, and get nervous if I am above 78. I am older than you... :(

Anonymous said...