27 July, 2009

Mexican Abduction

I know. You've been wondering where I've been and I don't blame you. I've spent hours concocting a long winded, detailed explanation about how I was abducted by gorillas in Mexico and held captive since (...let's see, when was the last time I blogged...) July 13th of this year. The craziest part of the whole story was trying to explain how the hell gorillas got into northern Mexico since they are only indigenous to the African continent. I figured I could pretend that the gorillas weren't actually gorillas of the animal sort, but instead guerrillas of the militaristic variety. But what half-intelligent human would believe that there are militaristic guerrillas in northern Mexico abducting seemingly affluent and attractive college-aged Americans? I mean that is really absurd.

So I scrapped that story and decided to just admit that my life has been a racquetball-sweat-fest of stress lately and I haven't found the mental faculties required to sit down and tell the world in more than 140 characters what is going on in my life and why they should care (if you follow me on twitter, you're up to speed.)


First off, you don't need to care. You come here because you want to and the mundane nature of your equally "compelling" lives leads you to read the news online, check what's going on with celebs, plan your evening, do some work and then when you feel you've navigated the depths of the internet, you reluctantly come crawling my way. It's a last resort and I get that. I'm just glad you're here.

Second, you probably don't even come crawling here. Let's be honest. You are interweb savvy and have one of those fancy RSS feeds set up so you can ROFL and LOL your way through the day with ease. And I think that is great of you IMHO. I just hope you don't at any time feel the need to STFU and instead leave copious comments for me. That's how bloggers feel the love. It's like a blood transfusion of pure, wrinkle-busting Restylane right into our hearts.

And lastly, come back. My Google Analytics indicates that I actually have to write frequently to keep high levels of readership. Not sure how I didn't catch that relationship earlier on, but apparently, new content does in fact equal increased web traffic. Who knows, maybe I'll sell out and Google AdSense the snot out of my blog and trick you all into clicking on hyperlinks that make me tons of money. That would keep you coming back right?

13 July, 2009

Expecting To Have A Girl Only To Find Out You're Not

It's a boy. There, I cut the suspense. It was hanging there like cold nacho cheese just being all suspensy and difficult. So there you have it, the proverbial nacho cheese is cut and now you, like us, know the sex of our baby.
Sure we only were thinking of girl names. And sure, all the voodoo magic and mother's intuition was all for naught as it turned out to all be wrong. But like I told my wife today, ovulation cycles, spinning needles over the belly button and all the visions, dreams and impressions in the world can't deter the hand of God. This is creation we are talking about here, not weather patterns or pie recipes. If God says he wants a boy in that stomach, I'll be damned if a baby girl pops out just because of some stupid hoo-haw you heard from some nurse whose a friend of your aunts sister in law in New Jersey.
And here you have it, our baby boy (as yet unnamed as he is in fact not a girl):