18 May, 2009

Spill Those Beans

It's time to come clean. Kristen, my wife, we'll she's pregnant. Twelve weeks to be exact. We've kept it on the down-low, leaking to select individuals and family here and there as necessary (and when called out), but overall, today's the day. Today is the announcement and you're invited. To what? I'm not sure. You sure as heck won't be in the delivery room, so you're not invited to that. So let's just say you're invited into the fold of the knowing. We want you all to know. Crazy blog-stalker guy from the Midwest: we want you to know. Curmudgeonly old man from Sudan who is learning to use the internet and just happened to stumble across my blog via a google image search: we want you to know too friend.
It's like a weight was lifted off my shoulders today when I announced in the classiest way I knew how (via facebook and twitter) that my wife was pregnant.
Somehow, someway, my logic denied the obvious signs, the evidence of science. It partially denied the existence of this child until it (my logic) heard the heartbeat this morning. My logic had said, "hey, those three sticks you peed on a few months back, well they could've been wrong." And when we went to the OB/GYN and I had to sit through that awkward initial "check-up" my logic again denied the facts.
"Pregnant?" My logic scoffed. "That swollen stomach, rotated pelvis and morning sickness could just be something she ate."
But when you think about it, it really is sensicle that I wouldn't let this truth enter my life before I could blog/facebook/tweet about it. I mean when a person describes their latest meal, opinion on a movie that just ended or secret obsession with CSI: MIAMI to the digital world 24/7, how can one expect that person to cope with reality in a real, normal way? How is one expected to cope without the use of their hyper-realtime information outlets?
Well the time came and the time was today. It feels so good. The heartbeat was healthy, strong and...er, baby-like. I went into that office annoyed at how long it took waiting in the tiny waiting room (made extra tiny as it was filled with near bursting moms-to-be and their gaggles of young ones.) Then I sat in the doctors office feeling apprehensively jealous at the surprisingly handsome doctor manhandling my wife. But once he put jelly to belly and held up the ultra sound speaker, I was rather in awe. I passed up the opportunity to have my own surging waistline listening to and simply congratulated my wife on what apparently is a healthy baby growing inside of her.
The stork theory is a myth. Babies come from bellies and as beautiful as this might be, I hear its going to get ugly. So, as we bring this (un)fortunate young Tanner into our family and the world, I will do my best to keep you posted. I'll try not to berate you with cheesy pictures and such, but as my crusty, sarcastic shell melts into the gelatinous softness of fatherhood, I really can't make any promises.