25 June, 2009

Man, I am feeling majorly suck-tastic today. The worst part about feeling the way I feel, is that I feel guilty complaining about it. I've created a new complex for myself: I feel nervous complaining about the stuff I complain about because I hear people judging me for my wussy-ness.

I know, I know, its hard to believe that I, Logan, would have any difficulty whatsoever when it comes to complaining about anything and everything. But what I have come to discover (or at least accept in part) is that I am a total baby. That's right. The things I complain about are trivial to the normal human. They are commonplace and routine to about everyone but me. But these are the things I can't seem to handle; the simple things. Responsibility, hard work, stick-to-it-iveness and patience are all words that bring me to my knees. But you do them everyday. You deal with the realities of life, livery and the pursuit of a paycheck on a daily basis and with relative ease. Sure they are hard and more often that not, not a bucket of fun. But you do them, move on and start again tomorrow. So why do I always feel overwhelmed? Why do I feel like the Octomom with an 8x case of Postpartum Depression? Why can't I grow up, stand up straight and take it like a man? Didn't becoming and Eagle Scout teach me anything?

So to the employers in the real world (with money to pay a n00b):

I just want to write. Set me up a cubicle with a monitor, computer and adult sized keyboard (fat fingers) and I'll write myriad creative stuff for you (this sounds like a plea and I think it is.) Put me in the office kitchen. Put me next to the office bathroom with the backed up toilets that never seem to flush right, but that everyone insists on using because its secluded and private. I'll sit there. I'll type for you. I'll write.

But please, for the sake of the gods, don't make me be in college anymore! Don't make me finish American Heritage online (yes I waited to take it this long; stuff it), don't make me finish my last 4 obligatory English classes. Just put me in the corner, hand me the creative brief and insist that I leave the other employees alone. I'll do it. I'll leave them alone. I seriously will. I just need a paycheck bi-monthly and a poster of that kitten hanging onto the rope (the one with the frog in the storks mouth works too.)

So this is my plea: let me complain and then help me escape the tyranny that is the American higher education system. I need work and I need it now.

Much love,
Logan "Tough As Al Dente Pasta" Tanner

24 June, 2009

having to be responsibe blows...

im all laid out in bed right now, 10mg of ambien and a bowls worth of bean and bacon soup coursing though my viens as i try to tap out the kind of quality blog post that weve all grown use to. but im only on man; im only 2 thumbs and as god is my witness, whoever designed the keyboard on my new phone should be shot.
where where we going with this? based on the way my day has gone, id presume i was about to bemoan responsibility, symbolized for me in the form of: 30+hrs a week for income, 5 online class, the desire for weight loss and the impending doom which is the birth of my first child...which leads me to another responsibility i forgot...graduation and internship/job search.
long story short, today wasnt fantastic for me. ill try to blog proper-like tomorrow.

23 June, 2009

My Kids Will Need Counseling

Remember that one time when I made a vow to blog everyday (except weekends) and then almost immediately after making that promise, broke it? Yeah, that was last week. If I keep this promise-breaking up, I'll need to start a fund to pay for my childrens' counseling. They'll be heart-broken every time I promise to play catch with them or have a tea party and then renege to go play golf or shoot up some Nazis on my XBOX.
But seriously, I have a good excuse. If you remember, or if you follow me on twitter, you'll know I spent the past week up in Park City at the Silver King Hotel at the Aanderud family reunion.
My wife is a former Aanderud, stolen away by the Tanners to make babies that carry our last name. To exact their revenge, the Aanderuds frequently show me a really good time to try and convince me to change sides and become one of them. They pay for me to take trips, stay in nice hotels and participate in fun activities that I admitedly wouldn't do or couldn't afford on my own. This past week was one of those exciting extravaganzas.
Let me sum it up in 10 simple words and one important form of punctuation: WE HAD A HOT TUB IN OUR HOTEL LIVING ROOM!
It was fun.
Lots of food. Lots of kids and a 7-11 one block away. Awesome.
In fact, I had so much fun, I didn't even bother to take on single picture. Seriously, not even on my phone. Sorry.
And if that excuse wasn't good enough for not blogging here is one final one for you to chew on:
I thought I didn't have wifi in my room because I had accidently turned off my wifi on my laptop to save battery power. I kept trying to find networks, but couldn't obviously. I claim incompitence, but you can call it what you will.
I'll get back to regular blogging ASAP.

12 June, 2009

Oh Man...

I'm having a mental burn out. I'm regularly going to bed at 2am. I'm over eating. Not exercising. Practicing retail therapy and not getting much homework done. I'm in a bad place.

And like my last post said, I keep having that wacky, daytime dream going in my head where my eyeball gets detached from my head and then rolled up in a car window. Like, the eyeball is outside the window and I'm sitting in the car and the window starts rolling up. How messed up is that? The driver side window in our Buick stopped working recently and I've spent days ripping apart the door and the switch box mechanism trying to pin point the problem before I dropped $26 on ebay to get one shipped to me from Canada. The biggest annoyance isn't even the work I've put into troubleshooting and fixing it. I get more peeved and embarrassed over the whole situation every time I pull up to an ATM or drive-thru window. That's the real pain. I'm guessing this is where the day dream is coming from.

I think I really need to get paid to tweet and blog. Those are the two things I love doing most. I actually love tweeting the most. No commitment there. The limitation of 140 characters keeps things simple yet creative since I have to compress my usual over-wordiness into a small blurb. I like it. Problem is, who's gonna pay me to tweet about myself? Lame.

10 June, 2009


Oops, its almost 1am and I didn't blog. Remind me to tell you about the day dream I keep having where my eye ball gets partially detatched from my head and then rolled up in a car window. Its messed up. I know.

09 June, 2009

Moving On

So about going back and filling in that last blog post, not gonna do it. No, yesterday's post is so twenty-four hours ago. I'm over it.
So, rather than fleshing out yesterday's post, I'm going to go ahead and blog for today, talking about things that may or may not have happened yesterday. Ok, they happened yesterday, and the first of the scintillating events I wanted to talk about is how I need to sue Wendy's.
Wendy's tried to kill my unborn child yesterday. As Kristen was rushing into the square-patty eatery to use the bathroom, she pulled open the door and it slammed right into her uterus! The first question that arises is what did my wife and unborn baby ever do to you? And secondly, why don't you pick on someone your own size.
I've checked our life savings, the funds we have meticulously compiled over the last 4 years, and apparently $37 and twelve Canadian Loon coins isn't enough to bring a class action lawsuit against a major fast-food chain. So we're moving on.

In other news, I'm almost 50% through my English 220 Independent Study class. I don't know why I give it the dignity of capitalization. It's not that I hate the class or that grammatically it doesn't deserve it, it just brings me no joy and for that I think it should be relegated to lower case. But I'll get over it.

Also, I think the lactic acid that's been coursing through my veins (i before e except after c and in the stupid word vein?) since last week has dissipated enough that I might give bike riding another go soon. I also went to a bike shop with the question, "I need a seat that doesn't crush my junk. You have one?" And came away with the advice that if I would simply lower the angle of my seat, it wouldn't feel like straddling a broomstick in the back of a covered wagon on a cobblestone street. Problem solved. Moving forward.

Computer wizardry has been afoot in our Muggle filled household. Somehow I tricked lovingly convinced the wife to let me buy some new computer components. But like a slippery slope, one part led to another and before long, I had a dual core, 2gb, Geforce 8600 gts rig built up that now plows through Call of Duty 4 and the Adobe Suite without breaking a sweat. This is life changing as I've always lived with crappy, Frankenstein-esque computers I cobbled together with whatever free or near free parts I could sew together. Now, following the same concept, I've spent a touch more, kindly had some great parts donated from my generous sponsors (thanks Jeremy!) and come out with a computer worthy of purchasing a new, more comfortable office chair for...which I did, last night, for $10 off craigslist.
Faux-leather, foreign butt-sweated office chair here I come!

08 June, 2009

Better Late Than Never

I promised to blog everyday, then I modified that promise at my own discretion and made Saturday and Sunday "free days" where I could blog if I wanted to, but not a requirement. Today, I just didn't. And even though I am 20 minutes late for this to count for Monday, June 8, 2009, I'm going to go ahead and count it. And not only am I going to count it for Monday, I'm going to go ahead and go to sleep and finish writing here tomorrow. Forgive me for playing God, but that's what I'm going to do.
See you tomorrow. I have to film someones Electrical Engineering class at 8am. Apparently, if you run track, its ok to ask someone in another department to film your classes in another department so that you don't have to miss them. I guess the good old days of getting a school excused absence and working with your teacher so you don't get behind are long gone. Annoying, but whatever.

05 June, 2009

Give Me The Bird...Every Day

So every morning afternoon when I arrive at work and sit down at my computer to clock in on our university's fancy login system, I see the image you are seeing above: a login and password followed by a teensy weensy blue box that I have to click on to proceed. Within that teensy weensy blue box is a little symbol that perplexed and incensed me since its inception.
Go ahead and click on the image above and tell me what you think that looks like. Do it now.

I'm not sure what I did to deserve a gesture like that but it must have been egregious. I don't feel bad, but you better believe I'll be cheating on my time sheets to make myself feel better.
So there.

04 June, 2009

The Burning of The Eyes, The Bloating of The Stomach

I nearly killed myself last night.
We went to Outback Steakhouse for my cousin's birthday (the day after mine) and after a half rack and a double serving of fries, I was ready to pound my obligatory birthday ice cream, so thoughtfully delivered by our decidedly butchy waitress.
I tried to share, but no one was having it. Jen, my cousin, was struggling to even start eating hers as I was scrapping the last drippings of chocolate drizzle of the sizes of my saucer. It was delicious. Australian ice cream is leaps and bounds better than our ice cream and I had no trouble finishing it off before my stomach realized it was full.
Then after a good half our of chatting and laughing, the smile was wiped from my face as I felt a rumble from down under.
My lactose intolerance is generally treated as a third wheel when I go out to eat; not necessarily forgotten, but not enough of a nuisance to be part of the group. But tonight, it was in fervent protest, wailing and gnashing as I sat sweating; gluteus maximus a flexin' to try and keep me from ruining the party.
But let's not go there right? I made it out alive (and full) and seriously enjoyed my time. All of these birthday celebrations are making it difficult to trying and be healthy this week. Lots of cake and eating out has compounded with my prolonged soreness from a 20 minute bike ride on Monday. I've not been toO successful this week. Failure, as I said yesterday, isn't yet imminent, but if I'm not careful, this wave of self-will is going to pass and I'll be floating helplessly until the next one comes along.
Eh, its alright. I can procrastinate the day of my success a little bit longer...right?

03 June, 2009

Failure Is Imminent

Wow, just one, single, solitary day after promising to blog everyday on my new kick to break through the glass ceiling and revamp my life...I forgot to blog. Yes, yesterday, on my birthday, I forgot to blog. I think you can forgive me since it was my birthday and I was a little preoccupied. I also partially blame it on twitter because I was live updating delectable goodies about my day as they happened. Plus, I got a little over excited about buying some stuff online as the day was winding down and all sense of responsibility and duty flew out the door before I had a chance to blog as promised.
But yes, thanks for asking, the birthday went well. Kristen (the missus) never ceases to amaze me when it comes to making me feel special. From breakfast in the morning to gifts in the evening, she found time to squeeze me in and make me feel remembered despite being horrifically busy all the day long. She's my hero. And if that wasn't enough, I was so shocked and thankful at all the people who wished me a happy birthday. In a digital age where facebook/myspace and others remind us of birthdays, I still am thankful for all those people who went to the minimal effort to just say, "Hey, happy birthday." It seems insignificant, but it counts and I'm thankful.
So yeah, it was good. I was really happy and grateful for all the friends and family who made it feel like a special day. Thanks.

01 June, 2009

Break A Leg

Alright, I gotta pound this post out while its still fresh in my noggin and I'm feeling brave.
I woke up late today, around 9:30, when I was supposed to be walking into the library to study. I had softly committed to my wife that I would get up early all this week so that I can complete the online courses I am enrolled in before our first baby arrives in less than 6 months. In short, I have 5 classes to finish before the end of the summer, but at the pace I am going, I should have them done by early 2011 at the soonest. Panic.
So I meandered out of bed and got in the shower. The shower, if you read my blog, is a place of deep reflection. A temple, a shrine, a holy of holies as it were, where all the physical and mental clutter in my life gets washed down the drain for but a moment while I stand naked, vulnerable and safe in the confines of its cheap, plastic, opaque curtain. For 3o minutes two times a week (you read right), I feel like I can do anything while I am in that shower. Anything is possible if I put my mind to it. I want to attack life with a furor reserved only for the christian crusaders and the craziest of Taliban. I am unstoppable. I am motivated. I am excited and I am prepared to act.
Then I turn the water off, watch the dirty water swirl slowly down the half clogged drain and remember that I am weak. I am unfulfilled and I cannot do the grandiose things I set forth in my head. For every ounce of strength my wet nakedness brings, the cold drying of my towel sponges it away.
But today was different.
The glass ceiling saw its first crack.
The baby is coming soon and tomorrow I turn 26.
More than three and a half years of marriage has left me happily married, but woefully out of shape and over weight. I let my passions for life die slowly as I packed on the pounds, got busy with school and realized my paycheck actually meant more than new climbing gear and video games. My hours added up to paying rent and buying gas. My school work equated to a secure future for my family and better times to look forward to. And with that, I stopped taking responsibility for my own happiness and got sucked into a vortex of responsibility, waisting the precious few hours a day I actually could spend for myself.
But that's over. Today is a day of change. I am going to take accountability for myself and get this dusty old Logan back in gear.
To start, I'm going to post SOMETHING everyday on the blog. It may be a picture or something small, but the blog has to start picking up steam.
So stay posted. If I do actually stick to this new life decision, the biggest change will hopefully be weight. If it happens, I'll start posting pictures. You guys can make fun of my, cheer me on or point and laugh at my epic failure.
-When I was playing football as a 16 year old junior in HS, I weighed 209lbs.
-After football, my healthy, static weight was 230lbs.
-When I got home from my mission, I weighed a fairly active 250lbs.
-Today (this is kinda embarrassing to say), 5 years after getting home from my mission and after almost 4 years of marriage, I'm rocking 300lbs worth of man-boob swaying mass.
I miss mountain biking. I miss rock climbing (who wants to belay a 300lbs rope snapper?). I miss hiking and camping on a whim.
So that's it. Time to change. Time to get in shape and time to get my head above water and start enjoying life again. Weight loss, burning through school work and finding time to work enough to pay for rent. It's really not too hard. I just have to do it.