12 January, 2009

How To Cut Your Wife's Fingers Off And Ruin Your Marriage

I'm a difficult person to live with sometimes. I get moody, have hot flashes, yell, scream and kick when I get in a bad mood. But sometimes, even in a good mood, I'm difficult to live with because I'm just plain stupid. Rarely so, but when a senior moment comes my way, it hits hard and the repercussions can effect thousands. More often, they just affect my wife though, and the day I rolled the passenger window up and crushed her fingers was no exception.
It truly was an accident, and I didn't initially act very sympathetic simply because of the sheer shock I was suffering. I have never seen someone scream like that. I thought blood was going to start pouring out of her tear ducts and her head would start spinning, spraying bloody tears all over the car in the process. I literally thought I had chopped off her fingers. I debated swerving across multiple lanes of freeway traffic to get to the shoulder in case I needed to Frogger my way into traffic to find her amputated finger tips. I'd risk my life to save my wife's finger tips. Wouldn't you?
I felt horrible. I really did. I didn't initially understand what had happened. The power windows in the Buick are locked on child safety. It's a bore, but not unmanageable since I can still roll down every window in the car from the driver seat. Today was no different and as I stared blankly out at the quickly moving traffic, Kristen talked about something.
I do that.
She'll be telling me something and my brain will have a narcoleptic episode and the only synapses firing are the ones required to drive the car. It's sad and rather rude as most of Kristen's tales are rather lively and entertaining, albeit a little long winded and repetitive at times. All I remember was her saying something about rolling the window down.
Her: "Roll the window down...bla, bla, bla..."
Me: "OK...zzzzzzzz."
Her: [Screaming, monosyllabic grunts and swear words; sobs]
Me: "%^#&*^#!!! SORRY!!! Oh my gosh! What just happened?"

And you know the rest. Screaming, debated swerving, Frogger-style finger chasing, etc. But the fact is, it all worked out. Kristen still has her fingers and I think that's all that really matters. Sure my pride was a little bruised at having nearly killed/hurt my wife again, but she's used it. Right honey?


Leslierush said...

wow she is one lucky girl. ;)

Lauren said...

Haha you are so lucky she puts up with you!!! :)