16 January, 2009

A Letter To God




Dear God,

I appreciate your concern for me and desire for me to learn patience and control my anger, but I really need you to stop making me hit red lights everyday. We both know how angry that makes me and the things that come out of my mouth after having to stop at the 5th yellow light, just seconds before being able to run it, are not conducive to a steadfast Christian man like myself. Can we work something out? Can I trade some sins in elsewhere for you to revoke this nonstop insanity and and blood curdling rage? I don't know how much longer I can take it. I screamed and cursed myself hoarse this morning on the way to work. You don't want that do you? You blessed me with such a beautiful voice, how am I to share that gift with others if you make me scream at traffic lights and ruin my melodic gift? And that's the other thing, people are starting to stare God, they are. Seriously. I can't control it and I don't think the doors of our '86 Camry are sound proof, so if seeing isn't enough, they are surely hearing my death-screams as I choke and shake the steering wheel like a very naughty child.
Let's work something out here. I really want to make this work for the both of us. So let's make a deal and I promise not to leave you holding on to the short end of the stick.

Sincerely,
Logan "Goliath's Headless Rage" Tanner