26 March, 2009

Deaf Shower Scene



If you know me, or follow my sporadic blogging, you'll know I'm not the hugest fan of showering. And when I do shower, I tend to just hit the "hot zones" and not actually clean my whole body. Sometimes, I even do this in the bathroom when I wash my hands in public. I'll get a little soap on my finger tips and then rinse it off, cranking out three or four paper towels for effect in case anyone might have been in ear shot and was questioning the validity of my washing methods.
But I think I found something new. Something to kick off a new generation of bathing for me. It's nothing epic, incredible, expensive or sexy...
It's just earplugs.
Yep, sometimes it's the small things that make a difference. Like smiling back at random strangers, opening a door almost long enough for the person behind you to get through and feeling obligated to share half you last piece of gum; the small things are what make life worth living. So it is with earplugs. Once all the rage on construction sites, in saw mills and around firing ranges, earplugs tell the world you've got better things to do; like worry about you're hearing. But those (if you misplace the space in "but those", it says "butt hose") days are long past and earplugs have now found their way into bathrooms across America and are putting their talents to work for a different cause.
As a kid, I used to put my fingers in my ears in the shower. It was odd, but so are lots of things. I enjoyed the sound of water droplets hitting my head and the varying intensity with which they hit as I moved around. It only took me 15 years to figure out I could pull those fingers out of my ears and get to washing because the earplug was here.
So, tonight, with some awkward trepidation, I said to my wife, "I'll be in the shower, but I'll have earplugs in my ears. So if you need something, you'll need to come in and yell." Her confusion was evident, but she brushed it aside like all the strange things I do. I timed it right, she had 2/3 of American Idol left and a full drudging hour of FOX's Hell's Kitchen to giggle through. I figured I'd be safe and I was, getting through the whole 30 min shower without interruption. And just as I expected, the experience was epic. Being that you are not actually deafened by earplugs, your sense of hearing of that which is going on inside of you and near your body is heightened. I noticed that my current, morbid obesity has increased my resting breathing rate...a lot. I noticed that when I run my fingers through what is left of my hair to shampoo its sparsy goodness, it sounds gritty, like when you get sand between your toes and in your sandals. Terrible. I noticed that I could hear my wife walking around the house as the vibrations carried through the floor or something. I noticed many things and my shower was an all new experience.
So, if you've come to your wits end with bathing as well, preferring a quick wipe down with a moist washcloth or a scented baby wipe, maybe its time you tried earplugs. It doesn't make the tedious, time consuming task of bathing any easier, or less of all those terrible things that bathing is, it just makes it different. Like wearing your socks inside out one day, forgetting your wedding ring, or finding out halfway through the day that your watch actually stopped 13 hours ago. Nothing changes, it just feels the slightest bit different. I think you just might like it.

8 comments:

Billy Reano said...

Oh my. This blog post is awesome. I will definitely try this sometime. Thanks logan!

bryan said...

I've always just used a rubber ducky

ambsace said...

logan, we are men of mutual conclusions arrived at by independent means. i've always been a finger-in-my-ear shower kind of guy myself and i'm glad you also appreciate it for all the right reasons. so yes, ear plugs. ear plugs make that shit even better. i can't help but be afraid of the possibility of ear infections, though, so i stick to fingers.

Jeff said...

"It was odd, but so are lots of things."

Best explanation ever.

Klane said...

It was the last two sentences that made this post shine like a shiny demon that shines. For a nice thudding variation try putting a soaked washcloth on your head. It's the details that make life wonderful.

kbax said...

simply brilliant.

Jeff & Hailey Peterson said...

loved it - something i have never thought about, and will experiment on asap - written by a true copywriter.

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