21 March, 2009

Rage Against Machines


It's a few ticks past 3am on a Friday night/Saturday morning. I'm seathing with rage and my lips burn with the shame a diatribe of profanity brings. Ah yes, it is the weekend and it appears I have been playing video games again. Walking on hot coals, hanging from meat hooks pierced through the skin of my back or peeling back my finger nails with a rusty spoon and ball peen hammer might be a more relaxing activity for my weekend evenings because video games put me in a blind rage. They cause me neck tension, headaches, jaw pain and an intense furrowing of the brow. I am not happy right now. No matter how much I enjoy killing WWII Japs, Nazi's, zombies or Commies, I can no longer handle my rage problem.The poor kids living down below me are surely now conviced the words their mother yells at them at bedtime are actually words of common use (i.e. GO THE @%^*$# TO BED!) And the neigbors next door realize how close we live when the windows are open and my rainbow-vocabulary floats through the night. My colorful shouts of anger and shock at the rediculousness of video game travesties send my neighborhood into alert. What I'm getting at is I have a major anger problem that manifests itself when provoked by an appropriate agent. During the week, that agent is yellow and red lights that blink without reason like the lights of a Christmas tree; changing at will as I approach to pass through them. During the weekend, it is my XBOX 360. I don't throw controllers, I don't hit my TV and don't get violent. No, I prefer empty threats and screaming in the flickering darkness of my office. Down the hall, my wife shuts the door to the bedroom to block out the noise. I hear the front door slam shut as the Spirt (that would be of a religions nature) scurries out the door to find more peaceful lodging. I am a monster. I am a crazed lunatic. With opened cans of diet soda piled around me and a handful of opened sting cheese wrappers mounting on my bookshelf, I fade into sadness, realizing that I am most likely, truely insane. Too poor to break something I'll have to pay for, I scream madly like a lone wolf. I am a closet video game psychopath.

6 comments:

ambsace said...

resident evil 5 on veteran made me want to kick puppies and scream at little kids with ice cream cones who appeared to be enjoying themselves. i can relate.

jen said...

At least they are just words and you aren't throwing things at you 50" plasma from point blank range or throwing controllers around the room braking things and REFUSING to clean up any mess created.

Leslierush said...

It's ok. When I play wow I swear in my head when I get ganked by stupid lvl 80 allys! Really though sometimes I wish I could be a fly on your wall for a day.

C-Rod said...

Thats not the only thing your in the closet about

Devin said...

Logan, you should just play with me... Like we always talk about! You wouldn't have to scream so much cause I'm just that good.

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