03 March, 2010

I've Got A Beard, You've Got A Beard...IT'S A CLUB!

You want to know why I am awesome? I have a beard.
A beard makes you awesome in many, many social circles and even outside those choice circles, the beard is a respected accoutrement.
I have one. And a mustache. It's one, whole, unified group of hair. Not one of those Backstreet Boys style eyebrow-pencil-beards that look drawn on and require a stylist to maintain. No it's a Man Beard for sure, bordering on Taliban-esque density and bushiness.

If you read my previous post, the manifesto, you'll know that I assume things about myself. But other than assuming that I am likable and funny, I also assume that people who share things in common with me realize or care that they share something in common with me.

For example, when I'm cruising on a motorcycle, it's pretty safe to assume the feeling is mutual. Motorcycle people tend to acknowledge the awesomeness of one another pretty regularly and without complaint. 
With cars though, I have had less success. When I owned a rare 1997 Subaru SVX a few years ago, I would literally chase other SVX owners down, risking life, limb and a clean driving record just to give them a thumbs up or an engine rev. This was disastrous and embarrassing nine times out of ten. I assumed that owning a poor man's exoticar like the SVX meant people cared, but I just ended up making a monkey of myself.

This assumption seems to carry over into the realm of beards too. I feel compelled almost daily to point at fellow beardys, give a thumbs up once I've caught their eye and then stroke my beard to complete the non-verbal picture for them as if to say, "Hey, nice beard sir. I've got one too. Cheers."

But another thing that seems to be true about a vast majority of the bearded masses is that they would probably kill you if you caught their eye and then stroked your beard at them. Think about it. What kid of people have beards?

Ayatollah Khomeini














Osama bin Laden














Theodore Kaczynski (AKA The Unabomber)











Crazy Joaquin Phoenix












Evil Spock 












So it looks like I'm going to need to tone it down a bit or at least keep my delusions of beard-club status to myself because one thing is for sure, I'm not shaving this beard off, no way no how. 

23 comments:

Brownie said...

I too have often given the thumbs up for another man's beard. You are not alone in your love for beardom, or beardness, or however we should say it.

Carolina Lady said...

LOL. Great blog!!

Dianne said...

You're funny. And you can write. Nice blog.

lauraelizabeth said...

Wow, that's got to be on the most interesting blog entries that I have read in a while. Good job and good luck with your beard!

Check out my blog if you get a chance: http://ltyndall.blogspot.com/

Lau said...

lol,I think beards are disgusting :P
but nice blog anyway! :)

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Jenn Darlin' said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jenn Darlin' said...

I think having a beard whilst riding a motorcycle is a necessity. Well, unless it's a crotch rocket? Then you can have that Backstreet Boys style eyebrow-pencil-beard.

Maybe you can acknowledge your fellow bearded men in the same way those on bikes do. The arm and hand hanging low with a somewhat of a peace sign. It's almost as though it's D-14 classified information when in reality it's, "Hey, you have a bike and I have a bike and we're both totally riding our bikes. Right. Now. Yay!" Only you look all macho and like you might have a gun in the back of your pants.

Servant of the Most High said...

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Cioara Andrei said...

Foarte interesant subiectul postat de tine. M-am uitat pe blogul tau si imi place si am sa mai revin sa-l vizitez. O zi buna

DCjosh said...

I was almost too timid to post, due to my own struggles with facial hair.

I will live vicariously through your beard! Long may you run sir!

The Barker's said...

Hey Logan, next time you see me, we can stoke our beards together. Mine will give you a run for your money.

Andrea said...

You should ride a motorcycle AND have a beard. Then you could give other the thumbs-up and not feel like a monkey. Us bikers are a very welcoming bunch. ;)

Great blog!

Ominous_Anonymous said...

Idk man, I think you're forgetting the greatest bearded man of all time! The Techno Viking!!! *Hands you glow sticks*

McDishy said...

Great blog. Keep writing!

adel ghaly said...

thanks
موقع بث مباشر
افلام اجنبية اونلاين مباشرة على الهواء بدون تقطيع

افلام عربية اونلاين مباشرة على الهواء بدون تقطيع

قنوات فضائية مباشرة على الهواء بث مباشر بدون تقطيع

افلام هندية اونلاين بث مباشر على الهواء بدون تقطيع

افلام كارتون مباشرة بدون تحميل اونلاين

قناة مصارعة المحترفين بث مباشر على الهواء

شاهد منزلك من الفضاء بدون برامج او تحميل
..............

Rissa said...

Car, Motorcycle, Speed Boat, Bicycle, Zip Line; if someone acknowledges me while I am in transit (wave, thumbs up, tractor trailer horn pump) I automatically respond in the like.

I think it might be an mental illness... But then again if someone goes through the effort of weaving through traffic risking life, limb, and that box of Krispy Kreme they just bought to give you a friendly hi there; it'd be just plain rude and inconsiderate not to give a hand wiggle back.

Fun blog. I find dry humor to be so refreshing.

LucyInTheSky said...

Facial hair for men is like a haircut for women... there are so many ways to go about defining yourself using your appearance. I learn daily that no one really gives to shits... and I was glad to read someone who has a sense of humor like mine! hahah awesome!

MissK said...

Lol, Your blog is pretty funny :) I want to ask that while you feel compelled to give the thumbs up for other guys with beards am i then justified to share the *we are awesome* moment when i meet other aussies on my travels next year???? lol

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Jenn said...

I'm a girl and not supposed to have a beard but if you caught side of me on the street, you'd sidle over and give me a thumbs up and stroke your beard. I just know you would.

Great blog!