18 February, 2010

I Love That Funny Lesbian But...


The only thing worse than not being able to get tickets to see the Ellen Show is getting tickets to the Ellen Show, getting your name called to come play a game in which you could win some seriously awesome prizes and then unceremoniously losing.
Oprah plays it right. Rather than having to play the role of good guy AND bad guy, she just gives everyone a prize every time. Where Ellen forces you to compete against a fellow audience member, Oprah forces you to fight the urge to kiss your neighbor when you find out your leaving with a copy of Keith Urban's new album and a round trip vacation to Barbados.
I'll go with Oprah any day. I can't stand confrontation or the crushing weight of a stranger losing big on national television. I started losing my hair and had to start watching my blood pressure when I started watching The Price Is Right every day. The Showcase Showdown ends up being the Showcase Letdown for me. I perpetually cheer for the underdog and the underdog rarely comes through for me.
So Ellen, cut it out. Oprah is a bore and The Doctors don't give any prizes away, so please, PLEASE just let everyone win because it's wreaking havoc on my nervous system.