19 February, 2010

Could This Be My Manifesto?





I wish I could blame my public embarrassments and mistakes on a crushing case of closet alcoholism or a debilitating addiction to prescription drugs (though the latter has some truth to it), but really I've got no white flag of defeat I can raise.  Nothing to blame.

When it comes to drunkenness, I'm as dry as a kite flying in the parched winds of Chile's Atacama Desert. And drug abuse, well gosh now, can you blame a guy for wanting to get some sleep at night and then needing a pick-me-up the next day? Of course you can't.

But really, the bigger issue here is my consistent ability to embarrass myself publicly on a regular basis. On occasion it's something seriously blush worthy, but more often it's just a case of, "why did I do that?" or maybe "where was my head at?"
I blame it on my biggest character flaw: misguided confidence that I am deemed funny and likable by the people around me.

Think about it, if you knew that everyone genuinely liked you and thought you were funny, it would be hard to do wrong. Funny people are expected to say funny, often outlandish things and when their mouth opens, people are going to laugh at almost anything that falls out. They are conditioned to without realizing it. Their brain says, "I know this guy is funny, so whatever he says will probably make me laugh." That's why when funny people get genuinely angry, it's scary as hell because it's so far from your expectations.

Add to this humor a sense of likability and and you've created a monster. Likability and funny don't always go hand in hand though. I know a lot of hilarious people that put me in stitches every time I see them, but when I'm not laughing, I can't stand the sight of them. And there are a lot of people out there that I adore like my own mother who couldn't put an unforced smile on my face if their life depended on it.
And then there is me, the likable humorist...in my eyes at least.
Fake it til you make it, they say.
If you believe, you can achieve.
If you build it they will come.
But it doesn't always work like that. Mass emails with a pithy discourse and a half cocked desperate plea don't always fly and bring sympathetic grins to the receivers faces. Sticking your foot in your mouth and then trying to make that foot dance in front of the people you've just shocked doesn't always make them smile and clap in instant forgiveness. 

But it's ok. I'm in this for me. As long as I keep patching the holes in my imaginary world, the light of reality can never seep in and ruin my utopian world. It's real for me as long as I decide it's real.
If I shoosh you, it's because I fear you may undermine my safely sheltered mental image of the situation at hand.
If I don't ask for your opinion, it might be because I know what you're going to say and my world can't bear to hear it.
If I walk away from you in mid sentence, it may be for my own good.
So, forgive me now and forever hold your peace. I love you all dearly and look up to more of you than you know. You're talented, handsome, artistic, devoted, charming, passionate and driven and I love that about you, you, you and you. You're wonderful. And as long as you keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself, I can be all those things too, if only in my head.
Here's to me. Cheers.

7 comments:

Leslierush said...

I think your likeable...and definitely funny!

Bree said...

If this is your manifesto, then I would like to borrow it. Well said.

I often remark that am queen of my own domain and it's confines are those demarked by how far I can outspread my hands and spin in circle ;).

Bree

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