10 December, 2009

Like, Totally Gross

 Oh gosh, I am a mess today. The mask of cologne I'm wearing only serves to better distinguish how bad my murky body odors smells. My fingernails, not clipped in ages are gorgeous, healthy and chip-free, but totally inapproptiate for a heterosexual male like myself. My feet, somehow both damply stinky and yet dried out, occupy the same brown skate shoes I've slipped on nearly every day for the last month. My shirt, littered with tiny bits of dog hair and down feathers serves not one, but two purposes today: first, a simple, visual meter for how dirty I am and second, a perfect stencil for showing where all my man-boob sweat pools. My nose, crowned by an unploughed uni-brow of shame, bristles and shines with the sniffles, snots and dried hangers that plague such nasty folk as sick 3rd graders and Antarctic fisherman. 
Tomorrow is a new day.