04 December, 2009

The Game of Life

So it's December 4, 2009. No, I get it. Don't worry, I've been getting your emails alerting me to the fact that it's been a bit of a while. I'm sorry. But I spend a lot of time apologizing for myself on this blog, so we'll just assume that as a given and skip it for now. I'm sorry, I'll do better, BLA, BLA, BLA.

Life has been happening and moving forward whether I like it or not and independent of how hard I try to stop it or slow it down. Now more than ever I'm realizing this reality. Days fly by, weeks topple over into months and before you know it, you're in a whole different place in life and you can't sit by idly and let it happen without you.

Chicago ended. It was phenomenal. What an amazing city and what an amazing opportunity for me. Being home in Utah and jumping in and out of the car all the time makes me miss more than ever the laborious and glorious task of walking. Living in the Gold Coast, we were only a short 30min walk from the epicenter of downtown and the walk was no yawner either. High end boutiques, electronics shops, clothing stores, malls, exotic car dealerships and fine dining lined the path to and from how every which way you walked. I miss it. I miss getting sore feet and hopping on the L-train for some podiatric relief. I miss the smell of pee in dark corners and in the under ground. I miss the literally breathtaking scent of it emanating from the drunk and homeless. I miss walking home at midnight from work, meandering the glitz and glam of the closed and gated shops that line Michigan Ave. I miss exploring new routes during my urban trekking, turning back only when streetlights became to successively dark. I miss Chicago a lot. I even miss missing my wife while I lived in Chicago. What a wonderful city.

Home again. This is when the fairytale ended. The momentum, excitement and habits I had accrued during my time in Chicago ground to a halt like a locked up locomotive wheel. I was just happy to be back with my wife, sit on the couch and enjoy some good old fashioned TV; some things I had learned to live without in Chicago. Bad habits die hard and before long, I was back to my lazy self. I tried hard to work and keep things in motion so that my brain wouldn't atrophy and die, but I am indeed my own worst enemy. It was a losing battle.

Not a gas bubble. Despite my suspicions, that huge stomach of my wife's was in fact a baby. A real life baby. Human even. And on Nov. 25 at 5:52pm, after 12+ of labor and 2 hours of active labor, that baby decided to show his face.
Childbirth is traumatizing. Anyone who tells you it's a miracle isn't lying, but they are omitting the fact that you may not be able to hold food down for a few days after witnessing it. Sell your stock in the stork theory, because I can attest to the fact that 8+lb babies do come out from down there. It may be a miracle, but it's something crazy to witness. You get what I'm telling you? It's like seeing someone get hit by a car. You can't pull your eyes away but its frightening and you look both ways before crossing the street for the rest of your life.

PART 3- Secton 2
Olin Tanner is here. There was a heated debate raging over whether he should be named Olin or Ohlin, with the added H. I liked the H and preferred it without question to the sans H spelling, but ultimately conceded not to my wife, but to mass public opinion. Kristen was game for whatever but in my bitterness, I let her have her Olin without the H. I'll prove my point by mocking the spelling of his name by mispronouncing it for the rest of his life.
But he's good so far. Sleeps 2-3 hours in between feeding and really doesn't cry much. Due in great part to my lack of breast milk, I've been spared having to wake up and help him drink away his problems every few hours. My wife is doll and handles this new addition to our lives like she's done this many times before. What a saint. It's great to see her fit into this role like a perfectly hewn puzzle piece. It's my new reality. It's my new life and I think I just might be OK with it. In fact, I just might love it.

So that's my life. I'm trying to break through the glass ceiling I've constructed for myself and really get going on making some good stuff happen for myself. I've got the creativity, I've got the excitement and I've got the desire to be successful, I just need to reach down deep and find the urgency. You'd think unemployment, a newborn baby and no current prospects would surround me with impending doom and conjure up that urgency, but somehow, I'm a master of distraction and keep myself aloof. I'm like a kitten with a laser pointer strapped to its paw. Ridiculous.