02 February, 2009

I'm Kind Of A Big Deal



So I've noticed a disturbing trend in myself lately that I think is slowly driving the people I wish were my friends, farther and farther away. That trend is "fullofselfishness". It's not a disease and won't be found in any medical texts. I just put it in quotes with no spaces for effect. I hear it's a common problem ("fullofselfishness" that is), but I really haven't seen it manifested so strongly in myself until recently. The problem is me. I love to talk about me and me alone.
I used to be a great listener. I was so good at it. It got me chicks and a mighty fine, gorgeous babe of a wife as a finale. That is what women want right? An ear and a tear for how their day went with a grunt and a nod to confirm you are actually listening.
I actually used to love listening to people's problems. I used to sit for hours and just hear people out, interjecting only when they were ready or when I felt it was necessary to lay out a piece of sage advice.
Now-a-days, I get asked a question about myself and I go off. I literally go off trying to answer their question rather than the standard, "doing good, how are you?" Usually someone will ask a question that they are seeking but a brief reply to, assuming that you will then turn the question back on them starting a social dialog. It's how friends are made and opinions expressed.
Lately though, I will receive one of these questions (less and less frequently I might add) and rather than replying and turning it back to them to start a conversation, I will instead tell them my opinion, my life story, my shoe size and how many calories I consumed last week. At this point, when I realize I have way over done it and entered the I-Don't-Give-A-Rat's...territory, I pull back and sometimes throw something out like, "Yeah. Ha, well that's me. How are you doing?" But by this point, people have moved on and are just trying to get away from my Venus fly trap of a mouth.
"Oh I'm good," they'll say. "Well, I actually gotta run, so I'll talk to you later...maybe," throwing in the last bit almost as a warning or as if accidentally thinking out loud.
The sting of that might hurt worse if I wasn't already awash with acute embarrassment.
I'm realizing it and seeing it more and more in every conversation I have. I have one person in particular I need to shout out to about this: JIMMY PARDI. Jimmy is in the BYU Creative Track with me and I see him regularly. Super nice, super talented guy who genuinely enjoys the company of others and has proper interest in how people are doing. The kid asks me everyday how I'm doing or how this or that is coming along and I will absolutely body slam the guy with information.
"How's it going Logan?" he'll ask, probably expecting no more than a quick reply and the question returned.
"Oh hi Jimmy. I'm doing ok. I had a massive case of diarrhea last night after eating 2 pints of Dryers Cherry Chocolate Chip ice cream and 13 pieces of toast. Dude, I am so fat! I really need to lay off that shiz. If I can get to exercising regularly, maybe the temptation of 13 slices of toast and dash of jam would just disappear. It's really pretty crazy. But back to your initial question, yeah, I'm good. The diarrhea really cleared me out last night and I think the worst is over," I yammer on. But here comes the worst part.....SILENCE.
"Well cool," he chokes out, half disturbed and fully confused. "I hope you're feeling better soon."
"No, I'm all good. Thanks for asking," I reply. Then nothing again.
Jimmy then turns away and walks over to people who are normal and respect him and his time. He walks over to the people who can reply to a question in bullet format rather than short story form. Jimmy is just one example, and like so many others, deserves to move on to greener pastures filled with people who don't talk about themselves incessantly.
It is at this point I come to the realization that I never even asked Jimmy how he was doing. Then it floods over me that this is common and as I reflect back on the day, this isn't the first time I forgot to ask about someone else. I hadn't asked Brittany, Tommy, Ryan, Klane or anyone else for that matter how they were doing. They all chatted me up and I chased them off with my life story.
It's not even that good of a story.
But does it really matter? I mean, I am kind of a big deal. I did walk on to the Varsity football team as a junior and play 3 downs. No, not 3 games, or quarters...just downs. I also placed 1st at the Utah State Golf Championships, winning my age devision when I was 8. Granted, I was the only person in my age bracket, but I still won. These things make me special, unique and fancy. I am a fancy person and deserve your attention. So please, next time you ask me how I'm doing, grab a seat, pull up a chair or find a place to lean because you're not going anywhere soon. Like Jimmy and all the others, I will trap you. I will put you in verbal lock down while my story floods out and pins you down. You will hear me out and you will pretend to like it. And when I'm done, when I am ready, I just might ask you how you are doing. I might. And if and when I do ask you, I hope you would show me a shred of respect and not ramble on. Keep it brief because I've got way too many ears to talk off to be listening to how your day went or what you did on the weekend. I've got better things to do.

9 comments:

Klane said...

And just yesterday I was thinking to myself... self—I wish Logan would talk to me more. So mysterious..

jen said...

This is quite possibly one of your most endearing qualities. I feel the same way every time I accidentally launch into a story about Christmas...or anything about my life because unlike you I have Grandma's story skills and tell the same thing over and over. We love your stories though.

The Diehards said...

Either "Jimmy" is a glutton for punishment, or he enjoys listening to your never-the-same-twice stories of how you are doing. I suppose the latter, otherwise I don't think he would keep coming back.

On the other hand, I've noticed the same phenomenon in my life recently. I usually have to ask Adam the same questions at least 4-5 times because I don't listen to the answer. Wow, what a wife. I recieve a weekly Business Ettiquette email and one talked about the power of listening. I'll post it on my blog for you to read if you so choose.
amberofadam.blogspot.com

Sara said...

Can't wait to ask you how you're doing next time I see you.

ambsace said...

friend, i hate to break it to you...but you've always talked too much. let's be honest here.

i guess i still love you, though.

Logan said...

Klane: I don't talk to you cause you're too busy talking to yourself.

Jen: God bless you. We are family indeed.

The Diehards: Yes, what a wife indeed!

Sara: Don't do it.

Absace: I can always trust you to be honest; liquored up or not. I love you too.

Hebbs said...

I wish I had the opportuinty to run into to you and chat...maybe at the romantic V-day party. You are attending right? Logan and you are one of a kind and fancy...I love that your fancy!!! ahah my cute little fancy pants cousin

Jimmy Pardi said...

Logan, you are indeed the man and quite the writer. You know in all this time that we have been in the track together, I had yet to have had the privilege to see your amazing writing skills, aside from a few great head lines. Partly because we stop presenting ideas in front of everyone in class, and partly,wait do we even have class anymore? I think your blog is amazing, I have been spending the last 30 mins catching up on your life. You are indeed the writer everyone raves about! Anyhow I appreciate the shot out and just wanted to let you know that I have never noticed you rambling about yourself! And if you do it and I don't stop you, it is because your life is in actuality more interesting then my own.

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