28 October, 2008

Loving to Hate

Going to see David Sedaris perform live and then writing about the invigorating experience did more than just inspire me; it murdered all sense of confidence and creativity I had going into the event. You may have noticed a major slow down in blog posts over here at logantanner.blogspot.com. Your notice was not mistaken. I haven't been writing much. I haven't been writing much of anything in fact. I'm scared. Everytime I start to write, I hear David's shrill, childish and purely homesexual voice in my head telling me that my words just aren't good enough. He's like that older brother that your parents wish you could be more like.
"Why can't you be more like your brother?" they say.
Unfortunatly I am the older brother in my family. There really wasn't much for my siblings to live up to though. I was pretty cool and funny in high school, peaking in looks, talent and creativity. Sadly though, every peak has it's valley and every valley it's deep, bottomless cravass. I, today, am at the bottom of that deep, dark, bottomless cravass, 10,000 leagues below the peak that I used to shine from.
So don't live up to me and don't live up to David. He'll just put you down. But it's really not his fault. He can't help it that he is not only talented, but EXTREMELY gay to boot. It give's him a competitive edge over all the other writers out there. People browsing book stores, thumbing through crisp, unopened novels with smart and clever covers always pick the gay guy when it comes to entertaining dialog and witty slices of life.
I'm not gay. Sure, you might disagree and you have the right to based on some pretty gay things I have done and said over the years. But regardless of your opinion I am full of boring, slow, colorless and straight humor. I can't think of anything more boring that a white, straight Christian guy trying to write about the fun things that life throw at us. Pie, Jesus and pearly whites will only get me so far. Fritters, Satan and a little bit of smokers plaque might get me a little more credibility in this world. Unfortunately, that's not me. It just isn't.
I'll never be black-a-nese (a term related to some friends by a black, Asian), a homosexual or a Buddhist. I love the world and I love the people in this world, but gosh darn it I'm a republican, a Mormon and a college student.
Although some things may change, I may always be boring. Unfortunately though, I don't foresee David leaving his perch on my shoulder, judging me and scrutinizing the boring, straight, Christian-censored writings that I churn out. I like writing for me though, and for that reason, I hope David breaks his leg and falls off my shoulder soon. I'm not writing for him or anybody else. Anyone who reads my garbage is just along for the ride. David of all people can suck it. He can't be my inspiration and my glass ceiling. That's just not...fair. So yes, I hope David falls off my shoulder and lands on his little gay head. I hope he chips his smoker-plaqued teeth and bites his tongue because by golly and gosh darn, this white, boring, Christian has got some writing to do.


*Kelly* said...

Thank you for that post! If you've read my lattest one you'll understand that I appreciate people who can write about their fears and their do what it takes to overcome them. Logan, your just going to have to understand that your talented beyond all others and that you should never limit yourself by placing your talent next to anothers. You need to drop kick David off your shoulder and realize you are your only glass ceiling! Now, I'll get off my high horse and finish by saying, "Keep writing and I'll keep reading!"

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