13 March, 2008

Bad News About Nuttall's Muffins



If you've been following my digestive problems and the solutions I have pursued to remedy them, you might recall the Activa Challenge and Lauren Nuttall's Bran Muffins. Well, the Activa Challenge is still in the trial stages, but some bad scientific news has come in on Nuttall's Muffins. Here in an excerpt from an email I received on the matter:

hey lauren--

so... i hate to disappoint you, but i did a careful analysis of those bran muffins. i've attached the spreadsheet with the nutritional information. it appears that each muffin only has 3g of fiber and 124 calories. this is actually the same as a piece of whole wheat bread. i was sad when i realized that the muffins aren't contributing an amazing amount towards the daily goal of 25g of fiber. oh well, i'll keep searching for a fiber power house. (although the quaker weight control oatmeal has 6g per packet of oatmeal which is pretty good!)

--RZ

This is disturbing to say the least. Why? Well first, because someone took the time to calculate the nutritional breakdown of a muffin and second, because these fiber missiles actually work! I consumed only half a muffin and I felt the motions...motioning(?). This leaves only one conclusion about Nuttall's Muffins...they are just gross. The body has no choice but to reject them and the Newtonian pull of gravity provides the easiest path for that rejection. The placebo effect is indeed powerful my friends. I for one have not given up on snake oil, magic globes that clean my laundry, soap made of crystals, copper bands around my wrist or little contraptions that block my cell phone from giving me cancer. I'm a believer and with blind, dogmatic faith comes wisdom.

6 comments:

Lauren said...

Logan my friend,

I have some solutions to your fiber intake problem. Follow the suggestions below.

1. My bran muffins
2. Quaker weight control oatmeal -has 6g per packet of oatmeal
3. Double Fiber bread (it's delicious!)
4. Fiber One cereal - there are many different varieties, I would suggest the one that provides 57% of your daily fiber. Also, you could mix it with your Activa yogurt for a delicious treat!
5. Fiber One bars - I love these, grab and go (literally and figuratively)
6. Blueberries - you can get a pack at Costco of dried blueberries, a bit pricey, but worth it

Let me know what works for you. Best of luck in your quest for regularity.

Lauren (not a criminal) Nuttall

Lauren said...

And also if you need extra help, I've heard FiberCon is good. You can pick it up at your local grocery store or RiteAid.

Michon said...

a) it is disturbing how involved lauren is now in your "problem"
b) cant you find a new topic...this one grosses me out a bit.
c) have you consulted a doctor?
d) where did you find that sweet mugshot of lauren?

Lauren said...

michon,
A. no it is not disturbing, i am just helping a friend out because i have had many "friends" with fiber "problems".
B. Yes, I think we should change the topic.
D. Facebook.com. That sweet mugshot is actually a cropped photo of me from this summer.

Shawn and Erica said...

Um, excuse me? Erica's lame-o blog? That must be changed before our blogs can ever have sex and you are added to mine. But honestly, don't you think we are friends on enough things? Myspace? Facebook? I mean, I went 5 years without talking to you and I survived and now we have all sorts of nonsense to keep us connected for life. I didn't sign up for the neverending Loggin information.

By the way, if you knew anything about me you would know that I know a plethera about this subject...

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